Another Death to Emil's Hair!
by accident prone
Summary: /DotNW/ Sequel to "Death to Emil's Hair!" Ever since the...cough...incident/tragedy, Emil has been waiting, and now his hair has grown back. Hopefully he can protect it this time...oneshot, no pairings.


**A/N: Most people will know that when I get bored and think "hey, I should write something!" terrible things happen. Especially when I decide to put Emil's hair through more torture…muahahaha.**

**I own nothing. Not even Emil's poor, abused hair.**

* * *

Ever since the "incident" in which Emil's lock of hair that stuck _straight up _had fallen to the ground, quite dead, Emil had worn a hat. He'd pouted for the first week or so, feeling lost without that lock of hair. No one else took notice. They were just glad. Glad it was gone.

But Emil had been waiting. Waiting for that hair to grow back. He looked around, made sure no one was close. No, of course not. They were beating the crap out of Lloyd for spying on them in the hot springs. Took a lot of their attention, that.

He slowly removed his hat, smiling as he saw the familiar lock of hair spring up in front of the mirror. He sighed contently, and spoke to the mirror.

"Oh, how I've missed you…"

There was a puff of amusement from Ratatosk. _This is never going to work out, Emil._

"Oh yes it is. I'll protect my lock of hair this time."

_How many of your hair-hating friends are there? And how many of you are there? Hmm, it seems that you may be a bit outmatched._

"Never," Emil declared, shaking his head from side to side, still smiling as he felt the familiar weight swing back and forth. "They can't touch my hair. It's like my baby."

_Then have an abortion._

"Are you saying you don't like my hair?"

_Well, it is a bit ridiculous looking. _

"That's YOUR FAULT!"

_Oh, come on. I was all for a new haircut, but nooo, _you _had to—_

Annoyed, Emil returned to the mirror. "Whatever. Shut up, Ratatosk."

_Did you just tell me to shut up_?

"No, no, of course not."

_Because I could have sworn you just told me to—_

"Ratatosk."

_Yeah?_

"Shut. Up."

_You did tell me to shut up. I'll have you know that I _may _be a summon spirit, but I apparently still have better fashion sense than you._

Emil groaned and replaced the hat. "Ratatosk…"

_I mean, really. Is that lock of hair really necessary? Is it so hard to just have normal hair?_

"I LIKE my hair!" Emil yelled. "It suits me!"

_Yessss, that's true. You're both ridiculously unfashionable._

"Ri…" Emil sputtered. "_Ridiculously unfashionable_?"

_Have you seen yourself in a mirror?_

"YES! Just now!"

Ratatosk tsked. _You're angry, aren't you?_

"I'm not angry."

_Yes you are. In fact, I may even go so far as to say you're pissed. Are you pissed, Emil?_

"Will you be _quiet_?"

_Fine, fine. Zipping it. I won't talk._

Emil took a breath and pondered on how to best break it to the others that his hair had grown back.

"No! NO! IT WASN'T ME, I TELL YOU!" Lloyd's agonized screams rang through the hot springs. "IT WASN'T MEEEEEEEEEE!"

Maybe he could break it to them without them even noticing. At a time like this…it was perfect. He could tell them without them noticing! And then they couldn't blame him for not mentioning it.

Walking confidently outside, Emil removed his hat and strode up. "Guys? I…"

"We are through, Lloyd!" Colette yelled. "THROUGH!"

Lloyd blinked, looking confused. "Through? Through with what? Beating the crap out of me?"

"YOU AND I ARE NO MORE!" she screamed to the heavens. "I'LL FIND SOMEONE WHO ISN'T A PEEPING TOM!"

"I'm not a peeping tom…"

"LIES!" Colette wailed, and ran off crying.

"I didn't know we were even together," Lloyd mumbled.

"Well, you're not anymore," Marta said wisely.

_They're going to kill your hair again._

"No they're not. Stop being so negative."

_Who's being negative? I thought I was being positive._

Emil rolled his eyes. His haircut was not that bad. Honestly.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Lloyd screamed. "DON'T KILL ME! IT WAS ZELOS! ZELOS!"

"What?" Zelos asked innocently, walking up. "Oh, hey, Emil. I see your hair's back."

Emil froze as everyone slowly turned to regard his hair. Ratatosk cackled.

_Busted. You're doomed._

"DEATH!" Marta screamed, pulling a machete out of nowhere. "DEATH TO YOUR HAIR!"

"No! I like my hair!" Emil said, backing away. "You can't have my hair!"

"I won't hurt you," she promised, pulling out a chainsaw with her other hand. "Don't worry, Emil. I—"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Emil screamed, running. "NEVER!"

"Get back here!" she shouted, taking off after him. Everyone looked at each other.

Raine brandished a sword, placed her foot upon Lloyd's head, and made a political pose, ignoring Lloyd's grumbled "ow's." "WE HAVE WAITED FOR THIS VERY MOMENT!" she said. "WE MUST DEFEAT HIS HAIR ONCE AND FOR ALL!"

Everyone else cheered and they took off running after Emil and Marta.

"Ow," Lloyd said.

"Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned his hair," Zelos mused.

* * *

Five hours later, it ended as it inevitably would: with Emil sobbing over his hair.

"Maybe we should just shave you bald," Marta mused, oblivious to his tears. "I happen to like bald guys, you know."

"My hair…"

_Stop complaining. It looks better._

"Ratatosk, you're not helping. You're actually making me feel worse…"

_Pff. Whiner._

"What do you mean it was Zelos the whole time?" Sheena demanded. "Why didn't you just mention that?"

"I DID!"

Zelos backed away. "Um…I think you all have the wrong idea here…"

"NO WE DO NOT!" Sheena screamed in all her violent demonic banshee glory. "I WILL KILL YOU!"

"Sheena," Raine murmured. "There are worse things that death, you know…"

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

Raine whispered in the ninja's ear and an evil grin came over her face.

"Ohhh, yeah. Zelos is gonna pay…"

Not liking the look she was giving him, Zelos started his retreat.

Of course, as Lloyd's _favorite _Dwarven Vow states, love and goodness will always win, so…

* * *

Zelos sobbed. "Why?" he blubbered. "WHY?"

"Because you deserved it," Lloyd said reasonably, trying not to laugh, though a snort of two escaped him.

"But my hair? MY HAIR? DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO GIVE ME A HAIRCUT THIS BAD?"

"It could have been worse," Sheena said, sipping her tea.

"Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Are you _sure _about that? Because my hair was what made me so STRIKINGLY HANDSOME AND BEAUTIFUL! Tell me what I have to live for now! No! Even better! TELL ME HOW THIS COULD POSSIBLY BE WORSE! I'M WAITING, SHEENA! I'M WAITING!"

She raised a brow at this outburst, and just said calmly, "We could have given you a haircut like Emil's old one."

Zelos pondered this. "I don't think my hair is physically capable of doing that. Lloyd's, maybe."

Everyone turned to regard Lloyd's hair. Lloyd glared.

"Stay the hell away from my hair."

"It _is _rather spiky," Marta said, pulling out her machete again.

"Nooooooooooo!" Lloyd screamed in agony.

It was a sad, sad day with much hair-involved tragedy…

* * *

**A/N: Yes, Lloyd and Zelos suffered this time as well…why, you may ask? BECAUSE I LOVE THEM! ^_^ And therefore, they are submitted to much pain…of course. Uh, reviews would be nice…so yeah.**


End file.
